mental (20)

8 Name: Anonymage : 2020-07-16 04:28 [Del]

i can relate to so much that gets posted everywhere i feel like someone must be reading my mind and making fun of me. same as you op, except i think its something more technical and plausible instead of things in your throat. like stylometry and ANNs.
i would like to think most things posted on the imageboards and textboards i lurk are only steganography, bots and trolls. in the unfortunate case that these posts are plaintext made by humans, i hope theyre absolutely hilarious inside jokes that only a few intellectuals can understand. and i hope people use VoT software to "type" short messages in lower case, as opposed to wasting time and calories to rape the english language with their bare hands. the world is truly a dark place if im not the only dumb person out there.
i dont know anything. i dont get whats the point. i keep trying to think rationally about life. i make glossaries and write everything down in polish notation. but it doesnt make any fuc**** god da** sense.
i think im passionate about 2d and computing, but i cant accept this life. im bad. everything i do is wrong. im always wrong. everyone i try to interact with quickly comes to detest me. i do exactly what everyone else is doing but somehow i stand out like a sore thumb and am treated like a small slime monster from the underworld. i cant believe people really like each other. ive come to think everyone is always either playing mind games or manipulating each other. when i look back in every experience i have ever had with interacting with others, i can only try to guess what they were trying to get from me. no wonder there is so much poverty out there if more than half of all humans are as naive as myself. id rather just fantasize about starting over. my fantasies have become much wilder recently. sometimes i wake myself up and i feel chills when i look at my skin and try touching my hair and theyre not like in my fantasies. im afraid of looking too deeply into my own mind. ive read peer reviewed articles about people with weird brain conditions, like they claim theyre not holding something when they clearly are manipulating an object with their hands. i feel like i might end up a little like that if i keep dwelling in my own mind. ill sink and never come back. ill live like a p-zombie. i dont want to think too much about everything that is wrong with my life. physical health, mental health, psychology, genes, wealth, upbringing. i just want out of here. i dont belong in this world. i belong somewhere much worse, dirtier. i dont deserve to call myself of the same species as all these extraordinary people. im not conscious. im not a person. everyone should have the right to use me as their punching bag. i dont have any rights. i shouldnt get the right to complain about it.
i dont know. its all weird. i wish things made sense and that i could have a normal life. there isnt much i can do except kill time until i die. and hope my wish will come true.
i said ill stop posting on imageboards. ill stop posting on textboards too. and try to avoid people as much as i can. deep inside im a normie but im just obnoxious and godawful in every way. i dont want to bother people.
i want to start over. please let me god or whoever.
people are awesome and i hope they can be happy.

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